I'm Surviving Without You, But Wish I Didn't Have To

For a minute there I thought I had run out of things to say about the life imbalance nobody is talking enough about. I thought maybe this sandwich generation only feels the weight of the world during the caretaking era. I thought maybe I had moved up in the ranks to join the older generation that is on the receiving end, not floundering in the middle.

Then life woke me up. The needs, mine and other, presented themselves in a big way - all at once - as usual.

In just a few short weeks I’ve had to learn how to navigate the hard stuff in a new normal without my brother, Ray, and my dad. It’s not that I never realized how smart they were, or how much they helped me, or how handy they were, or how their masculine reassurance provided me comfort. It’s simply that I never thought I’d have to learn how to do this life without them.

As stressful as it has been, and as sad as my heart is not having them here, I have found myself learning to ask for help from others and more often. I’ve learned that I can do hard things (even more than I already knew I could), and I have learned that stressful times can bring people together in a beautiful way. It’s okay to need, and ask for, help sometimes. I've learned that even the sandwich generation, priding themselves on the care they give to others, are people in need of caretaking too.

In the past few weeks, and with my network of family and friends, I’ve survived car trouble, flooding, urgently needed home repairs, heavy large load logistics, painting mishaps, and some scary health issues. So many loving friends and family helped me through all of it, and I’m beyond grateful. I am grateful for this enlightened perspective as well, offering me more content to share about with others who need to feel understood. I am surviving, as I always do, but now I know I do not have to do it all alone.

I survived without you here, Ray and dad, but I still wish I didn’t have to. I miss you.